I am a list person…. yes, one of those “wakes up in the morning and lays out the day” kind of person. It gives me focus and direction and a semblance of at least conceptualized control of my day.

If I am being honest, my world revolves basically around mundane accomplishments and multitasking as efficiently as possible. Between managing work, keeping the house up and running (groceries, cleaning, paying bills etc..), finding time to exercise, family, relationships/friends, pet care, blah blah…  another day has passed and lo and behold, tomorrow’s list is just as long or longer. UGH

What my daily list does not include is joyful or spontaneously fun activities such as: sit down and snuggle the dog, read a good book for 30 minutes, or how about an open slot that says do whatever you want to do for an hour…check!!! Since I do have an absolute awareness that no one but me is accountable for my happiness, I can’t blame anyone but myself for my self-inflicted, monotony-focused agenda.

For grins, I have named my self- proclaimed affliction “Life Vertigo”, or L.V. for short. I actually experienced vertigo on Black Mountain in Montana a few years ago. I was literally paralyzed to move in any direction.  I was extremely dizzy, unbalanced and terrified. I took a shortcut to the summit thinking I was clever…. NOT so much.  Obviously I lived to see another day, but I will never forget the experience, I assure you.

So how does that relate to my list and purported affliction you ask?  It is about learning to balance the necessary and the oh- so subjective unnecessary. I am not literally dizzy (thankfully), but my life feels unbalanced and the idea of being unfulfilled in a fairly constant state is terrifying. Doing nothing to change it, or more accurately feeling paralyzed to change it, reminds me of that day and that initial step I took on the ledge of the mountain to get back to a spot I could breathe and regroup.

I am noticing how slowly but surely my LV is impeding how I function, hindering my productivity, and consequently impairing my overall happiness. Just like on the mountain, however, do not count me out!  This elusive balance I refer to and seek in this context is me merging “it is what it is” with “life is what you make it” harmoniously and in proportion.

I need to qualify that I am not a big expectation person. Disappointment in perpetuity is not my jive. Do not misunderstand, I am a fan of dreaming big and setting/ working-on ambitious goals in life for certain. I am simply an advocate for aligning/balancing reality with a sincere and viable measure of hope. My personal belief is that balance is the essential common denominator for success and true happiness in all phases of life.  On the ledge that day I had to balance literally, but figuratively as well, intense fear against the instinct to survive.

I will not ever be in a constant state of bliss, nor do I remotely expect such. I am simply determined to try harder to grab joy when I can and to step outside of routine with recognition that the world will not stop spinning if I do. I will stop taking myself so seriously and genuinely try to embrace the moments… the ones that clearly counterbalance day-to-day monotony, rather than fixate on silly things that do not get crossed off the proverbial list, which in my case is an actual list.  🙂

Sometimes we get so close to our problems and/ or barriers to general serenity that we can’t see them constructively. We trap ourselves inadvertently in patterns of behavior that can ultimately be self-defeating. I am hereby re-prioritizing, going to work on changing what my daily list entails…  shake it up if you will … and maybe, just maybe, find the equilibrium I so desperately seek.  The 6th Power™ VISiON6™ process is one of my grounding points to take that step back and evaluate what I want prioritized most and then define my path to fulfill it.