If I were to ask you “What do you want more of and what do you want less of in your life?”, what would you answer? Write it down. Seriously, write it on a piece of paper now. Now look at what you wrote and answer this; “What’s stopping you from achieving it today?”.   Sorry, “I don’t know” is not a valid answer. You must be able to answer this question if you intend to live your best life, it is that simple.

I continue to massage my answer as I grow into the latest version of my best self. I say latest because I marvel at how differently I answer that question today versus how I would have answered it 20 years ago. My kids would likely answer similarly to how I would have at their age. More money, more stuff, more parties, more things I want.  Less rules, less restrictions, less expectations, less of what I can’t control.

Today a lot of my more bucket is moving into my less bucket. I want less material belongings and less entrapment of societal expectations to live the “norm”. My “more” bucket can be summarized by one word: Depth. Depth of experiences, depth of meaningful relationships, depth of impact on other’s lives, depth of joy, depth of feeling- both good and bad, and depth of self. I want reciprocity in warmth, kindness, depth, and the curiosity that I’m willing to give in my relationships.

My less bucket remains the same and is even more pronounced. I increasingly abhor expectations of being the person everyone expects me to be. I want no restrictions on my soul. I choose to defy the rules, not the rules of law, but rules of the heart.

I am very clear that my time on this planet has an expiration date. If I don’t stand up for myself and my list of wants, who will? Why do we accept so willingly that our existence is simply a prescribed lot in life? We are conditioned to not make waves /to not upset status quo because it might disappoint the societal rule makers. Are we enabling our neighbors, the village, the gossip mongers to get the best of us and unwittingly control our destiny?

If I could have one hope it would be that my children see their mom breaking free of her own self-prescribed rules. My wish is that this would give them permission to soar, to fail boldly, to learn, and to live with one clear goal in mind… to have depth in all they do. I want them to realize that all the material possessions they acquire and all their interactions/experiences in the world will have no meaning unless they’ve truly felt the depth of appreciation. Our planet has such immense gifts to offer by exploring different cultures, customs, and other societal rules. We get so caught up in an American way (or wherever one originates) of thinking, that we forget our tunnel-vision rules don’t apply to most of this planet. The proverbial Golden Rule, to treat others with kindness and respect, is applicable to us all no matter where our journeys take us.

As “Jack the taxi driver” (his self- description J) and I chatted on my way to Heathrow airport today, we bonded over global travel experiences. I learned his views on Brexit, much different than some of my other UK friends. I know where all his children live. He’s never been to Ireland, yet his mom is Irish.  I now have a honey farm to visit in New Zealand to get Menurka honey for free in his name.  When I do, he said his cousin that owns the farm will text him if I mention him.  I hope it will make him smile. … just as it will make me smile knowing that a sweet British taxi driver will know in that moment that he impacted my life. This 40-minute drive defines depth for me. I could have spent the taxi ride staring at my phone, but instead I became friends with Jack.

Review your list. Be bold in yourself to capture it. My fellow Orlando residents are sadly and keenly aware that life is precious and can be extinguished in a blink of an eye. If you think you are immune, I suspect all 49 souls lost thought they were immune too. I hope they were all maximizing their more/less list.

If you aren’t, ask yourself why. Be bold in going after it. I’m about to drive the Irish countryside where everything is opposite to what I am accustomed to, yet my excitement easily trumps my trepidation. I plan to explore and make meaningful connections with its residents. My “more” list is glowing; I hope yours is too. ?